


What Have I Become?

by thesupremegrinch



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Gen, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Recovery, Sex Addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-06-27 20:39:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19797373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesupremegrinch/pseuds/thesupremegrinch
Summary: Cordelia has a sex addiction. The witches have an intervention & she goes to a treatment facility. When Myrtle goes to the facility to bring her home, Cordelia tells her about the past trauma that has led to her addiction.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to say that rape is a very serious subject. To all the survivors out there- You are not alone. You can overcome this. You are not a victim, you are a survivor. <3

Cordelia couldn't keep the lust-filled open-mouthed smile off her face as she felt another high coming. "Ah...God..." she moaned before a horny giggle slipped out of her swollen lips. Her back arched off the mattress as the thrusting between her legs created a divine burn that flourished from the inside out. 

She gripped onto his shoulder and back more harshly. A guttural moan of, "Oh...God!" reverberated through the room. Here was her orgasm, the thing she craved most in her life. The thing that caused such overwhelming cravings. "Ohh...Baby....Uhh...uhh..." It was so intense; she couldn't stop crying out in ecstasy.

Her legs writhed against his hip bones; her head pushed back into the pillow...she felt like she was soaking in a hot steamy bath of her release. "Uhh...Baby..." It was so incredible that it was all-consuming; the way it always was when she experienced an orgasm. She absolutely loved the way every muscle in her body tensed and the way she contracted.

She took several deep shaky breaths as she returned to her senses. She felt more warmness inside her as he came in her with a couple groans. He pulled out of her and collapsed on top of her. They were both breathing very heavily, and he seemed to be exhausted, but she couldn't help that she still wasn't satisfied.

She almost felt embarrassed when she breathlessly said, "I need more." He gasped out against her collarbone, "Cordelia, I can't go again. I've came four times already." He rolled off of her to settle beside her on the bed. She had expected as much. They had been having sex for hours...it was true that they'd went at it four times, like he said. She didn't blame him. He couldn't go continuously...that was normal. A sense of disappointment swept over her.

She was going to have to do it herself. It would still be good, but it didn't compare to the real thing. Her hand crept down to her clit, manipulating it softly to make her want it even more. She let out a light moan. The pressure inside her needed to be released. She leaned over to find what she wanted in the drawer of her bedside table.

A seven-inch vibrating dildo. It was the best way she could get herself off. Lining the toy up with her entrance, she turned it on a low setting, and pushed it inside. She started thrusting it with one hand while rubbing her clit with the fingers on her other hand. With legs spread wide, it felt good... really good. Small moans started slipping out.

"Are you really masturbating right now?" he asked. She felt a wave of shame as she looked over at him. After a moan, she softly said, "I told you, I need it. I can't help it." It was a fact; the need ate her up until she couldn't ignore it any longer.

She turned the toy up to a higher setting. She was fucking the shit out of herself. She glanced back over at him. They had been dating for a few months and he was aware that she constantly had urges and cravings for sex. The newness of the relationship was starting to wear off which seemed to cause him to realize the extent to which her needs went. He had a caring look on his face as he said, "Here, I'll help you."

He leaned over and gently sucked her closest nipple into his mouth. "Aww...," the moan turned into a bubbly giggle. A simple touch from another human always made the physical pleasure tons better. Her eyes fell shut as she got lost in the multiple sensations she was experiencing: his tongue and lips on her nipple, her fingers stimulating her clit, and the dildo that she was still furiously pumping inside herself.

She was so close; she could feel it. She just needed something to push her over. "Swirl your tongue around," she gasped. He did it. "Oh..." she moaned. Her legs were shaky. It still wasn't enough. She redirected him, "Just lick up and down on it, Baby."

Still teetering on the edge, she was starting to get frustrated. She gasped out, "I need more pressure." He sucked her nipple between his teeth, baring down slightly as he kept sucking and he more forcibly licked on it. That was what she needed. Desperate moans flowed as her back arched. "Aww....ugh....oh, God!" She felt a smile paint her features as she got what she needed. It always felt amazing...the problem was it never lasted long. As soon as an orgasm subsided, the need started gnawing at her again.

Her fingers moved away from her clit. She took a deep breath as he pulled away from her nipple to lay his head down on his pillow. She turned the vibrations off and eased the toy out, leaning over to sit it on the bedside table. She'd clean it later. She was as sated as she could be, which was none hardly at all, but it was enough so that she could function...for now.

Or maybe not. She turned on her side to face him. Stroking his chest with her hand, she seductively kissed at his neck. When her hand started trailing down, he grabbed it to stop her. "Cordelia, I really can't go again." She stopped, knowing not to push it. She slowly stood up. Sweaty and her thighs were covered in bodily fluids, she said, "I'm going to go take a shower. I should go downstairs and try to get some work done."

She took a quick shower, fighting with everything in her not to make herself cum again. She didn't want to be like this. Having a high libido was one thing, but she felt like she had been a slave to hers. It'd been months and months now that she'd been like this. She didn't understand what changed her all of a sudden. It was like one week her desires kept increasing and increasing. She could spend all night masturbating on and off and she still couldn't fully satisfy herself.

So, she went out and found a boyfriend. It helped at first. All the sex was amazing. And he had been all for the constant sex. That was until a few months into the relationship, he saw that he couldn't fully fulfill her needs. His ego seemed to take a blow and he ended things between them.

She moved on and found someone else. It only lasted a few months too. Waking him up multiple times a night for sex and begging him to meet up with her during his lunch breaks at work so they could fuck wasn't a good look. He'd told her she was too much for him to handle and packed up his stuff that he'd brought to the academy. 

She'd moved him in so their sex life would be more active...and in hopes that she could get some of her own work finished. She knew if she moved in with him that she wouldn't be able to make herself come back to her office at the academy, especially if he was home...she wouldn't be able to stay off his dick long enough to even consider making the drive. Them living together didn't solve anything though, her work still suffered.

Her current boyfriend was living with her now. When he wasn't working, she was all over him. During the weekends, like this one, they only left her bed to eat, drink, use the restroom, and shower. She would mess around with him until he couldn't stand anymore. Sometimes she had to take matters into her own hands between rounds until he got his strength back up.

Weekdays were the worst. He was gone until the early evening and she would end up masturbating like crazy while he was gone. It was making her feel insane. The only thoughts that went through her head involved sex.

She rarely thought about her girls. It wasn't that she didn't care about them, she just cared about getting off and feeling connected to her boyfriend more. Her newfound ability to disregard her Supreme duties had caught her by surprise. Hell, Mallory had told her about how she sacrificed herself for the Coven, and the world, during the Apocalypse.

She was falling behind in everything. There was a huge stack of applications sitting on her desk that she hadn't even touched. When Queenie or Zoe would ask for suggestions about what to teach in their classes, Cordelia would give them a quick answer if she was in her office. If she had snuck off to her bedroom, she couldn't be bothered with them. Myrtle, Zoe, Queenie, Misty, and even Madison were often the ones left in charge of keeping the younger witches in line.

Cordelia had barely talked to Madison, Misty or Myrtle since the first two weeks after they'd been brought back to life. After those two weeks was when the intensified cravings hit her. Talking to Madison was never a pass time she particularly enjoyed. Myrtle, on the other hand, was a mother figure to her. Thinking about it, she didn't think she talked to the older witch much more than ten minutes a day now. She didn't have full-on conversations with any of the other girls anymore.

And there was Misty... Cordelia had considered her to be her best friend way back before she died during the seven wonders. When Nan had ushered her back into the academy, mere hours before Mallory brought Madison back and Cordelia had personally resurrected Myrtle, they had a reunion that could only be described as magical. Cordelia had caught Misty up on everything and their bond was even stronger than before. After those two weeks, as Cordelia became more and more distant from everybody, she could tell that Misty was left disappointed and confused. Myrtle seemed to feel the same way while Madison couldn't care less.

Cordelia had blow-dried her hair and gotten dressed, now she was reapplying her makeup as she continued thinking about the turn her life had taken. She had started comparing herself to Fiona days ago. Unlike Fiona, she didn't plan on doing anything outrageous like killing her girls. But in a way, she felt like she was every bit as bad as she was. It was all because of the glaring fact that she was physically present at the academy and the girls still couldn't come to her for help with anything.

She finished her makeup and walked into the bedroom to see her boyfriend sound asleep. She quietly left the room and headed downstairs. On her way to her office, she exchanged greetings with Zoe, Coco, and Misty. Madison passed by her and threw an ill-mannered question at her of, "Are you actually going to do some work today, you know, besides working your man's dick all day?"

Cordelia just gave her a cold look and kept walking. She settled behind her desk and pulled the top three applications off the dusty stack that was sitting on the corner. She got through the first one and was busy looking over the second one when she heard a knock on her door. She bet she hadn't been in the office for ten minutes. She yelled, "Come in."

In walked Myrtle, Misty, Zoe, Queenie, Madison, Mallory, and Coco. All had serious expressions on their faces...even Madison. Shit, this didn't look good. Coco was the last one in, quietly closing the door behind them. Cordelia laid the paper application down and gave them all of her attention. They all sat down in the chairs that occupied the space. "What is this about?" Cordelia asked.

Myrtle gave her a small smile, "Come sit with us, Dear," she said softly as she patted on the empty space beside her on the couch. Oh. Cordelia asked, "Is this some form of an intervention?" She was met with soft, warm looks from the girls and a few shy smiles. Myrtle replied back, "Just come sit, Dear. We're here because we care about you."

Cordelia reluctantly got up and walked over to sit beside her. Zoe was in the chair to her right, looking at her with concern. Myrtle wrapped a loving arm around Cordelia's upper back, holding onto Cordelia's leg gently with her free hand. 

Cordelia looked down at her own hands that were folded in her lap. The older witch kept her voice soft as she said, "Cordelia, we're worried about you. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but we've noticed that sex is having a negative impact on your life." Cordelia started nervously picking at the skin around her fingernails. There was no use to deny it...she had come to this realization on her own a few days ago, it was during the time when she started comparing herself to Fiona.

She looked up at Myrtle when she continued, "We don't want you to feel like we're ganging up on you. We love you." Cordelia nodded and Madison caught her attention when she said, "Even me. I shouldn't have given you shit in the hallway. I'm sorry."

Queenie calmly said, "You know it's serious if Madison's apologizing for being a bitch." Cordelia attempted a smile, but it only lasted for half a second.

She felt Myrtle gently squeeze her leg. Cordelia looked the older witch in the eye as Myrtle said, "Addiction is addiction." That made Cordelia's eyes tear up. She wiped at her eyes as tears started to escape. She felt Zoe comfortingly grab her hand that was closest to her. Madison said, "It's normal to love sex. You're on a whole other level."

Zoe quietly added, "You're obsessive." Cordelia held tightly to her hand as she wiped at her tears with her other one. The tears were falling more frequently now. Cordelia looked around at the girls. Coco took the opportunity to say, "I know we didn't know each other for that long before all of this started happening. Mallory told me about how close we were in the alternate timeline before the Apocalypse. You have my love and support."

Misty added, "We want you back, Cordelia. You're not the same person I remember ya bein'. Ya were the same when I first came back and then...I don't know what happened to ya."

Cordelia nodded shakily as she cried. Myrtle kept her voice soft and nonjudgmental as she said, "Your role of Supreme has suffered recently. You're work life has been affected along with your relationships. Take your lack of a bond with Coco for example. You don't interact with us like you used to." Then, she said it, "You have a sex addiction, Delia."

They were all looking at her, waiting for her to say something. She had to pull her hand from Zoe's as she started sobbing. She breathily said between sobs, "I know."

Queenie said, "Not gonna lie, I was expecting you to deny it. You know that whole, 'I can stop when I want to' shit."

Cordelia knew she should let them see it from her perspective since they'd went through the trouble of getting together and sitting down with her. Her voice was shaky as she said, "I can't stop. It's never enough. It's not just a want...I need it. It's an essential for me like food or water. The thoughts...the cravings...the need...it never goes away. I'm not the Supreme or the person I want to be." Her sobs picked up and Myrtle pulled her into a hug.

She stroked Cordelia's hair, "You need professional help." Cordelia nodded again. Mallory sweetly said, "I love you, Miss Cordelia. We know you can beat this." Cordelia pulled out of the hug and smiled at Malloy, "Thank you. I love you too. I love all of my girls." She looked at each of them, letting her gaze stop on Coco, "I'm sorry that we haven't really connected."

Coco gave her a small smile, "I know you haven't been yourself. I'm sure we'll become closer."

Myrtle took Cordelia's hand and said, "I've already looked into an in-patient treatment program that specializes in sex addiction." Cordelia looked at her with wide eyes, "What?" Myrtle brought Cordelia's hand to her lap and wrapped her other hand around the back of it. She tried to ease Cordelia into the idea by saying, "It's up to you. If you go, you'll be there for a month. Personally, I think you'll see improvements in all aspects of your life if you decide to go and you commit to the program. It was a high success rate."

"Where's the facility?"

"It's in Nevada. If you wanted, I'd fly out with you and go with you to check in. I can make arrangements for you," Myrtle said. Cordelia's sobs had stopped but tears were still falling down her face. This is really what her life came to. It was embarrassing. Deep down, she knew that she needed to get better, for herself and the Coven.

She looked Myrtle dead in the eye, "Make the arrangements." She could sense the relief from everyone in the room. Myrtle patted her hand before letting go and standing up, "I'll go make the call."

Madison quickly asked, "Are you sure putting her in a facility filled with other sex addicts is a good idea? Won't they all just bang each other?"

"Who thought it was a good idea to bring Madison along?" Queenie asked.

"I'm saying what everyone else is thinking," Madison said with the usual bratty tone.

Zoe and Misty both shushed them. Myrtle said, "They all have rooms to themselves and supervisors make sure they don't sneak around to be alone together." Misty scooted over to sit beside Cordelia, "You'll be fine, Cordelia. I'm sure it won't be bad." Myrtle left and came back in a few minutes, "Everything is taken care of. We'll fly out in the morning and the facility will have you check in upon arrival." The fact that it was actually going to happen made new tears escape.

All the girls stayed with Cordelia for a while. It would be the last time they'd be together for the next month. Even though Cordelia didn't interact with them much, they knew that at least she was present. They talked with her and offered words of encouragement. Cordelia could feel the need for release building, getting worse the longer she sat there.

After an hour, the need was too much. She said, "I can't go to the facility. I can't go a month without sex." The suddenness of the statement seemed to catch all of them off guard. Zoe said, "Yes you can. You can do this." Cordelia shook her head with furrowed brows, "I'll try....I know I'll fail." She stood.

"Where are you going?" Myrtle asked.

"To my bedroom," she answered as she left the room. Oh. They all knew immediately why she had left. Sex...and if her boyfriend wasn't up for it...to masturbate.

The rest of the day and the night consisted of Cordelia having sex with her boyfriend and tearing herself apart with the same dildo she'd used earlier. At least she had taken the time to clean it in between uses. She got only three hours of sleep. It was now normal for her to run on such little sleep, so she was used to it.

She and Myrtle were supposed to be on the airplane by 9 AM. Her boyfriend knew she was leaving, so when she woke him up at 4 AM, he gave her his all and hung through it with her for three hours until she had to stop and get ready for the trip. She'd rushed to pack last night. She threw some other things in her suitcase that she'd missed last night while she was dying for more sex. She got herself ready, kissed him and exchanged goodbyes with him, then she met Myrtle downstairs.

Hours later, their cab dropped them off in front of the facility. Myrtle went in with her to check in and stayed while she answered some assessment questions. She was asked to leave so they could show Cordelia her room and so Cordelia could change into the standard t-shirt and sweatpants that they had adopted as the patient uniform. The two of them hugged.

When they pulled apart, Myrtle said a heartfelt, "I love you, Baby Bird. You will do great. Trust the professionals and put in your best effort." Cordelia saw tears threaten to spill out of Myrtle's eyes. She replied, "I love you too. Make sure the girls are taken care of."

**A month later**

Myrtle went back to the facility to bring Cordelia back to the academy. She was greeted by a worker, who took her to an office where Cordelia and the psychologist sat. She'd had limited contact with Cordelia during her stay. From what she'd been told, Cordelia had done well and made progress.

Cordelia hugged her as soon as she saw her. The psychologist stood, shook Myrtle's hand, and introduced himself, "I'm Dr. Andrew Calico. Everyone calls me Andy." They all sat. Andy summarized Cordelia's experience for Myrtle, with her permission. "At first we had a few problems. There were occasions where she used her magic to keep us locked out of her room. After that, she started participating more, both in the group and in her individual sessions. I could see that she wanted the help and she put the work in. We discovered that her sex addiction stems from deep-rooted trauma." He shared a look with Cordelia and continued, "She has let me know that she wants to share this with you while we're here. Are you comfortable with that?"

"Yes, of course," Myrtle said immediately.

Cordelia turned her body more toward her and Myrtle followed suit. The older witch said, "You can tell me anything, Dear."

Cordelia licked her suddenly-dry lips and began, "The staff here are aware that I'm a witch. I didn't know if they would believe me when I told them what Mallory disclosed about the Apocalypse. Andy here, kept hounding me to tell him what was on my mind. I broke during week two and told him everything that she'd told us and about how you, Madison, and Misty were brought back to life."

Cordelia looked to Andy for assistance. He said, "We came to the realization that the knowledge she has of killing herself to keep the world from ending and her loved ones dying and coming back has caused past trauma from her youth to resurface. She turned to sex as a coping mechanism to try to get away from what she's truly feeling and to try to feel, what she sees as, a real connection to another person. She had reasoned that as long as she could physically feel the other person then she knew that they were safe."

Cordelia watched Myrtle's face as she took in everything they were telling her. Cordelia gave her a minute to process. She was waiting for the question...and here it was, "What past trauma did you experience, Dear? God knows with Fiona."

Cordelia looked to Andy again and he said, "She has discussed with me about all the emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical, abuse she withstood from her mother. She also told me how she was never told who her biological father is and that her mother had countless men around her throughout her childhood and teenage years until she was sent to the academy where she resides now."

Myrtle shook her head as tears started escaping. "No," she whispered. She knew where this was going. Andy said, "Cordelia wants to be the one to tell you."

Cordelia and Myrtle regained eye contact. Cordelia picked at the skin around her fingernails. She felt her hands shaking at how nervous she was, but she needed for Myrtle to know. She couldn't keep it bottled up anymore. Myrtle took a hold of one of her hands and softly said, "Go on, Dear. When you're ready."

There was a brief pause and some minor fidgeting from Cordelia before she got her courage up to say, "I was raped." Both Cordelia and Myrtle were quietly crying. Cordelia continued, " I was still a virgin. It happened when I was 14. We were all watching TV in the living room. Fiona and her boyfriend at the time, Jerry, had been drinking endless amounts of liquor. Fiona passed out on the couch. Jerry had always come off creepy to me and being the only one conscious with him made my skin crawl. So, I went to my room. I changed into my pajamas and pulled the covers back on my bed so I could go to sleep. As soon as I did that, I heard a floorboard creak. I turned around and he was standing right behind me. He pushed me down on the bed and fell on top of me.

I remember feeling crushed under his weight. His mouth was all over the side of my face and my neck. I tried to push him off and screamed for him to stop. When he raised up to start ripping my clothes off, I tried to push him off. I remember hitting and scratching at him and moving around as much as possible to try to make him fall to the floor.

When he started hitting me back and choking me, I knew I couldn't overpower him. I started screaming at the top of my lungs in hopes that Fiona would wake up and rescue me. That never happened. He undid his pants. I never stopped fighting back or screaming.”

Cordelia was noticeably more upset. She took a breath and continued, “He was so brutal. He beat me while raping me. He hit me so many times...in the body...and in the face. I remember feeling like I was about to die when his hands were wrapped around my neck. I couldn't breathe; I started seeing spots. He finally let go. I guess he saw that he was really going to kill me if he didn't stop choking me.

The whole experience was the most pain I had ever felt in my life. I remember feeling blood trickle down my thighs. He finally finished inside me. He didn’t say anything, he just got off of me and went back to the living room. He was so drunk that he didn’t even bother to wipe my blood off of him or to wipe the blood off his face from where I scratched him. I remember laying there for a long time after he left, hoping that the pain would stop so I could get in the shower and clean myself up.” There were tears rolling down both Cordelia and Myrtle’s faces. They were more frequent and harder than before.

Cordelia wiped at her tears with her free hand and continued, “The pain never let up. I made myself get up and go to the bathroom. I could barely walk. When I looked in the mirror, I saw all the dried blood that’d come from my nose and mouth. Both of my eyes were black…he’d bruised over half of my face. I looked down and saw all the bruises on my body…and the dried blood that went all the way down to my knees.” Her voice broke before she started the last part of the sentence.

Myrtle grabbed Cordelia’s other hand as she went on to say, “I stood at the sink as I vigorously tried to wash the dried blood off my face. Then, I got in the shower. I went back to my room. My bed looked like a slaughterhouse. I ripped the sheets and the pillowcase off and threw them in the floor. I went back to the bathroom to get a washcloth and I tried to wash the bloody spot off the mattress. I laid on the dry side of the bed and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up to hear Fiona yelling at him. She kept asking him what happened to his face and why his pants were bloody. After he didn’t say anything back, she came to my room. I watched her jaw drop and a look of horror appear on her face as she took in the bloody sheets in the floor, the stained mattress, the bloody washcloth on top of the stain, and me.

I saw one tear fall from her eye before she wiped it away and rushed over to sit down beside me. I stayed laying on my back because it still hurt so much. She said to me, ‘Jesus H. Christ, Delia. Did he do this to you?’ I nodded. She had me show her all my bruises, all the while she was telling me about how men had needs that needed to be met and that it wasn’t anything personal against me, Jerry just needed a fix from someone younger and I got caught in the crosshairs.

I started crying again as she told me that. Then, she told me not to tell anyone about what happened. She got up and disappeared…she came back a minute later. She gave me a Percocet and said, ‘You’ll be fine, just take this.’ I took it and she left. I missed school for a whole week. When they called the house looking for me, Fiona told them I had the flu. Jerry still lived with us for a while after that, but he never touched me again. I slept with my door locked and many nights I barely slept at all out of fear that he would rape me again.”

When she was finished telling her story, Myrtle pulled her into a hug as they both sobbed. “Oh my goodness, Delia. I’m so sorry that happened to you.” Myrtle didn’t think she could possibly think any lower of Fiona than she already did until learning about this. That woman had truly been no better than the dirt on her boots.

Cordelia hugged her as tight as possible, needing the warmth and acceptance that the older witch provided. When they calmed down, Andy looked to Cordelia and said, “That was very difficult for you to share. I’m proud of you.” He smiled before continuing, “I’d like for you to start out-patient therapy and to participate in a 12 steps group near you.” He handed Cordelia a sticky note as he said, “I’ve written down some of the groups that are in or around New Orleans, there’s a few different Sex Addicts Anonymous groups that are close to you. I also included a few reputable psychologists that are in your area.”

He continued, “Remember the treatment plan. I encourage you to find a psychologist that you’re comfortable with right away. Refrain from sexual activity for 90 days. If you slip, contact the psychologist. Keep your goals in mind of decreasing masturbation and building a more emotional connection with your boyfriend. You expressed fear that he wouldn’t be with you anymore after you go back home. If that happens, don’t let it trigger you to engage in compulsive, self-destructive behavior.”

He smiled, “You’ve done well here, Cordelia. Stay strong.”

After a flight back to Louisiana, Myrtle and Cordelia were in a cab on their way back to the academy. Myrtle said, “I’m extremely proud of you, Dear. I’m always here for you if you need me for anything. If you just need someone to talk to or if you need something else, I’m here. The other girls are there for you too.”

Cordelia offered a smile and then hesitantly said, “You can tell them about how the Apocalypse and the deaths and resurrections affected me.” She paused as the older witch watched her carefully. She quietly asked, “You’re not going to tell them about the whole rape thing, are you?”

“My dear, that’s for you to tell. Unless…do you want me to tell them?”

Cordelia bit at her thumbnail before replying, “I want you to let them know that I was raped. I think it can help them understand. But…please, don’t give them the details.”

Myrtle held her hand, “Whatever you want, Dear.”

As soon as they stepped through the doors of the academy, Cordelia was welcomed with open arms. Zoe, Misty, Queenie, Madison, Coco, and Mallory were all waiting for her to arrive. “We missed ya so much, Cordelia,” Misty said as she gave her a big hug. The other girls followed suit.

They led her to the kitchen, where they had a cake that had ‘Welcome Back & We’re Proud Of YOU!’ written on it. When Cordelia saw it, she smiled and cried tears of joy. Zoe said, “Mallory helped me make the cake for you.”

“Thank you, girls,” Cordelia said. The doorbell rang and she went to the door. She opened it to see her boyfriend, Brian. He pulled her into a hug, “I’m glad you’re back. I missed you.” Cordelia told him she missed him too and told him about how she was supposed to stay away from sex for the next 90 days. He was supportive.

Before Cordelia came back to the kitchen, Myrtle thought about what she had told her in the cab. Myrtle waved her arm to get the girls’ attention. They all looked at her and got closer. She quietly said, “Don’t say anything about it to her today, but Cordelia wanted me to let you all know what her addiction stemmed from.” She paused and then said, “She was raped by one of Fiona’s boyfriends when she was younger. I heard the whole story. It was a very brutal rape.”

There were gasps and looks of shock and terror. “Oh my God,” Zoe whispered. They all masked their expressions as Cordelia and Brian came into the kitchen. Being aware that Cordelia had been raped resonated with Madison because she was also a rape survivor. She walked over to Cordelia and gave her a warm hug and sweetly said, “It’s good to have you back.”

The interaction caught her off guard, but she went along with it and hugged back. Madison had never been this sweet to her before. It was a nice surprise. After they separated, they all laughed and talked as they had some cake. Cordelia knew her road to recovery would be difficult, but she was going to give 100 percent of her effort so she could be the person, friend, and Supreme she wanted to be.


	2. Everyone I Love Goes Away In The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some typos, didn't proofread it.

Cordelia set her sights on a random hot guy at the club. She wanted him. Wanted him between her legs. He was with a couple of other guys but that didn't stop her from walking over. 

She walked within close proximity to him, catching his eye for the first time. Cordelia did nothing short of eyeball fucking him as she got up close and personal at his side. The talking and laughter within the group of men died down. "Well, hey," the guy said, obviously liking what he saw.

She gave him a sexual smirk as his arm went around her. This was almost too easy. "Hey," she said in a suggestive voice. The other men were watching the interaction, so Cordelia leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "I'm not wearing any panties." She felt his hand grab onto her, and he whisked her away to the grimy, single-stall men's bathroom.

Cordelia giggled. She couldn't help it. She was so happy that she was getting ready to get what she needed. His mouth was on hers, he lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. The short black dress she was wearing giving him easy access to her most desperate place. Her back got pressed to the wall as his fingers were on her...then in her. She moaned into his mouth.

Seconds later his pants were undone, and his dick was inside her. "Oh, yes! Fuck me," she moaned in his ear as he fucked her against the wall. Her head tilted back as he gave it to her hard.

"Your pussy's so tight," he groaned as his pants fell down to his ankles. He got faster and faster until Cordelia was clutching onto him for dear life.

"Yes, just like that!" she moaned. Both of them were breathing heavily at the hurried, erratic pace he’d set. Cordelia’s eyes got lost in one particular tile on the ceiling as she took all he had to give her. Sex was great and she needed the orgasm, but he was meaningless. Just another number. He was the 7th, maybe 12th, guy she’d had sex with this week.

“Oh, God!” she moaned as she felt the pressure in her lower stomach building beyond belief. Sex was the most addictive thing she’d ever experienced in her life. It was amazing and she loved it. At the same time, it was ruining her life.

She pushed that thought away as the strokes of his cock seemed to make her pleasure more intense all of a sudden. “OH!” She bit his shoulder to quieten down. His loud groans made her ears ring. Her body tried to arch into him as she felt the first wave of her orgasm hit.

Her eyes closed, tears of joy leaking out of them as she contracted around him in the most beautiful way she could imagine. It gave her a high that could be compared to that of a heroin addict getting their fix. That’s what the therapist at the in-patient treatment facility had said, anyway.

Cordelia had done great for a while. She kept her ravenous sexual needs in check. Her boyfriend at the time, Brian, had been great and supportive. He accepted that they weren’t going to be having constant sex anymore. He was a good boyfriend, but they’d ended up breaking up so he could move across state to accept a job offer.

Every time she had sex with Brian, she could feel her body craving more. She’d been able to stop herself from going too far. Except for the time where she slipped and begged, _begged_ , him for more after three rounds of intense sex. She had never wanted anything more than his dick at that moment. Thankfully, Brian had turned her down, knowing her sickness and that giving in would only set her back.

She had been grateful for that afterwards. At the time though, she felt like she was going crazy. Her hand had slipped down to her pussy, two fingers in deep and a thumb rolling around her clit. She was going to fall fully to her insatiable desires, and she was intent on making herself cum again. Brian had pulled her hand away, and when she tried to switch hands, he grabbed it too and firmly held them both down.

She had let out a frustrated groan and squirmed like crazy trying to get out of his grip. She’d even cussed him, to which he calmly kept her hands held down and said, “Don’t do this. You need to stop. If you do this, you’re going to revert back to how you were. Do you remember how shitty you felt and how much sex hindered your entire life? You don’t need to get off this much, try to think of something else. I love you. You can do this.”

After he moved across state, she lost all control. Having sex with any attractive man she set her sights on. Brian had been gone for four months and she had had sex with nearly 100-110 men. She was aware that this wasn’t normal. Still, she couldn’t stop. And when she wasn’t with a man, her fingers, dildos, or vibrators were in her pussy almost constantly. She forgot any semblance of a normal life. She knew she could never have that.

Cordelia whined through the remainder of her orgasm, feeling the guy she was with cumming in her with a loud grunt. She pulled her teeth out of his shoulder with a gasp of, “Fuck, that was amazing.”

She felt his penis easing out of her. She unwrapped her legs from around him and he sat her down. His cum was running down her thigh. She tore off a piece of toilet paper and wiped herself off. The guy grinned at her as he put his dick back in his pants, “Say, what’s your name?” he asked.

Cordelia looked up at him after throwing the toilet paper away, “It doesn’t matter.” He shrugged as they both rearranged their clothing. Then, they stepped out of the bathroom. A line had formed, so they got some looks and a few whistles. She was sure if it had been the women’s bathroom, she would’ve been slut shamed with nasty looks and eyerolls. Since it was men waiting outside the bathroom, they gave approving looks and she could feel their eyes all over her. It thrilled her to have so much male attention and knowing that she could have any of them she wanted.

\--

Cordelia had gone to a different club this time. She had danced with some guy; he was all over her the whole time. Then, two of his friends came over and joined in. They were all hot and they all wanted to fuck. She ended up bringing the three of them back to Miss Robichaux’s with her.

They went in her bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind them. After making out, getting naked, and getting a little handsy with all three of them the men decided they wanted to all have her at the same time. Cordelia agreed because the more dick the better.

One of them laid down on the bed, Jimmy…or Jeffrey…or maybe his name was Justin. Cordelia straddled him and sank down on his dick with a moan. One of the other men stood beside her with his hard dick in her face. She sucked on him, getting him nice and wet, then he climbed on the bed behind her.

Cordelia leaned forward, getting on all fours. The man behind her slowly eased his dick in her ass. She groaned from the pain of the stretch. The pain quickly went away, and she craved movement. She rolled her hips into the man below her, her hips rolling back into the man behind her too. She moaned. Both of the men chuckled, the one behind her said, “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

Both of their hands were so strong on her…she loved that. She continued rolling into them and then the other guy, Mark…Marvin…Mike, came over to stand beside them. His hand ran through her hair, “Come on, Honey.” His hand guided her face over to his dick. She wrapped her lips around it and took all of him. Her hand held onto his base.

The man below her squeezed her sides, “Let us do the work.”

They held her in place. The man below her thrusted up into her…the man behind her gave it to her ass…the other man fucked her throat. They all groaned and grunted with pleasure. When she moaned and they saw that she could take it, they got rougher and rougher.

She felt the man in her mouth cum, she swallowed, and he pulled out. The man in her pussy was the next to cum. He stopped thrusting, but she stayed on his dick until she came and trembled around him. Seconds later, the man behind her came with a rough grunt. He pulled out and Cordelia pulled herself off the other man and laid down on the bed beside him.

She noticed the man that she’s been sucking off started to put his pants back on. She needed more. “Wait,” she said. They all looked at her. “I want some more,” she continued. They kind of gave her a look like ‘You really want more?’

“Well, ok,” the man said before getting rid of his pants again.

The three of them took turns fucking her this time.

After her fourth earth-shattering orgasm, she let them leave.

Cordelia went and got in the shower. She knew by the way they were looking at each other and smiling as they left that they thought she was a huge whore. And maybe she was…all she wanted was to cum over and over again. She felt tears prickle her eyes and she let herself cry…in her shower…all alone.

As the three men were walking down the stairs, Zoe and Mallory were walking out of the kitchen. They saw the men before they saw them, and they heard them chuckling. Zoe and Mallory exchanged a look, silently asking each other, ‘Did she really just have sex with all three of them?’ They heard one of the men chuckle and say, “Wow, that chick is insane.” One of the other men said, “She has to be one of the biggest sluts I’ve ever seen.” The three of them chuckled louder as they continued down the stairs. They walked pass Zoe and Mallory with a brief, “Hi,” and then they left.

\--

Cordelia and Misty had gone to the small grocery store a few blocks over to pick up a few things. As Misty went through the checkout line, Cordelia stood to the side and shared flirty looks with a fellow shopper. He was good looking and looked like he could give it to her good. Cordelia smirked as he walked toward her.

He ended up leaving the store with her and Misty, forgetting about the groceries he’d had in his cart. Cordelia handed the keys to the Jeep to Misty, “You can drive, right, Misty?”

“Um, yeah.”

Misty ended up driving and stealing uncomfortable glances through the rearview mirror while Cordelia sat on the guy’s lap in the back seat and made out with him. Cordelia was getting turned on from making out with him. His lips weren’t super dry like some guys’, and the way he was using his tongue told her that he’d give great oral. She’d been with enough men to be able to tell that sort of thing.

His hands held her so tightly and securely. It was passionate. She moved her leg slightly and felt how hard he already was for her. Oh, she’d definitely be putting that to use.

Cordelia pulled her mouth away to breathe and instantly his hand was on the back of her head, “Get back here,” he said as he pulled her mouth back down to his. _That_ had her getting wetter. Her mouth didn’t leave his for the whole rest of the way back to the Academy.

When Misty parked in the driveway, Misty grabbed the two bags of groceries, then the three of them walked inside. They got inside the doorway. Madison, Zoe, and Myrtle saw them come in. “She doesn’t come back empty handed, does she?” Madison asked with a hint of dark humor.

Misty went to the kitchen while Cordelia ended up on the guy’s lap on the living room couch in another heated makeout session. It was sexy and she wanted more.

Madison and Zoe discreetly watched from the kitchen doorway. “How does she pick up a guy at the grocery store? She wasn’t gone that long?” Zoe quietly asked. Madison gave Zoe a smartass look before looking back at them, “It’s not that difficult to get laid if you don’t buy all your clothes at the Gap. I’ve seen that guy somewhere before.”

Zoe turned her attention to Madison as she pulled her phone out and got on Facebook. A couple minutes later, Madison said, “Holy shit! I knew he looked familiar.” She tilted her phone so Zoe could see his engagement pictures. Zoe gasped.

“What?” Misty asked as her and Myrtle walked up behind them to see what was going on. Madison held her phone up so they all could see. “Shit…” Misty said.

“He’s engaged to this skank that does those shitty makeup tutorials,” Madison said.

“We have to get her off of him,” Zoe whispered before she quickly walked into the living room. It was awkward. “Cordelia.” When they ignored her, “Cordelia…” Cordelia forced herself away from the kissing. “I need to speak to you in the kitchen.”

Cordelia went into the kitchen with her, Madison immediately showed her one of the pictures.

“He’s engaged, Cordelia,” Myrtle softly said.

Cordelia took Madison’s phone and the two of them looked at the phone as she scrolled through some of them. Cordelia handed the phone back to her, she shrugged, and said, “He didn’t say he had a fiancé.”

Myrtle came over and lovingly rubbed Cordelia’s back as she gently said, “Men aren’t going to tell you they’re…involved…if they want to sleep with you.”

“Duh! She’s horny not dumb,” Madison rudely said. Misty harshly thumped her shoulder. Madison turned to her, “Ow, Swamp Bitch.”

“Girls, quiet,” Myrtle said. Cordelia’s cravings were getting worse by the second. She pulled out of Myrtle’s grasp and started back toward the living room.

“You going to make him leave?” Zoe asked. 

Cordelia glanced back, “No.” She turned back around just as quickly, not wanting to look any of them in the eye. “Cordelia, he’s getting married,” Zoe quietly added.

Cordelia walked back into the living room and offered her hand to him with a flirtatious smile. He returned her look, took her hand, and stood. She led him upstairs to her bedroom.

They ended up naked on her bed with him on top of her. She bit her lip around a horny moan as he sucked on each nipple. She was grabbing onto the back of his head; he still had a nipple firmly sucked into his mouth when she felt his fingers enter her. Her hips arched back at how damn pleasurable it was. “Oh, God!”

He curled his fingers up and rubbed the sensitive spot inside her. He rubbed it fast. Her toes curled and she gripped onto the sides of his shoulders. His face came up to hover over hers. He gruffly said, “You’re so wet. Can I fuck you now?”

She wanted nothing more. She moaned out, “Yes! Oh, God! Please.” He pulled out his fingers and smoothly pushed his dick in. Cordelia’s head tilted back into the pillow as her mouth dropped open into a half-moan and half-whine. Fuck, sex was her favorite thing in the world.

He started slowly thrusting. One of her arms hooked under his arm and her nails pierced the skin on his shoulder blade. He was big. She hadn’t had one like this for a while. Her knees writhed against him as she tried to get closer. As good as it felt, her thoughts took her back to the not-so-pleasant revelation in the kitchen.

“I know you have a fiancé.”

He stopped, still inside her, “Fuck,” he cursed.

She clutched onto him tighter, “No, don’t stop,” she breathily said. He looked her dead in the eye. “I was just saying.” She arched into him. He smirked then he gave her a hard thrust. She gasped and he grunted. Another thrust. And another. “Oh…” she moaned. “I didn’t know about her until you were already here…” she gasped out.

He fucked her hard, but slow. He leaned down and bit the column of her throat, making her pussy clench around him. “Ahh…” she moaned and then giggled. His lips nibbled her earlobe before he whispered, “You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?”

“God…” she whined. It was getting really good. “No.”

“Good girl,” he purred in her ear. He gave it to her faster.

She could feel herself getting close. He was giving it to her just how she wanted. Her hand went from his shoulder to his hip. He forcefully pushed his palm down into the mattress, putting more force behind his thrusts.

The headboard was banging into the wall. Cordelia let out a loud, guttural moan. She felt it building.

Her back arched. “OHHHHHHHH! Yes…yes, just like that…”

He was hitting the spot. A sharper back arch and her head tilted back. Her orgasm hit HARD. So hard it was mind-numbing. She couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, only _feel_.

Suddenly her insides her warmer as he exploded in her around a groan of, “Damn!”

He fucked her until she came back down. He pulled out and Cordelia asked with a hoarse voice, “Give me oral?”

“Shit…” her hands clenched around the covers. She was right about him being great at giving head.

\--

This was wrong. So wrong. This was Madison’s boyfriend. But he was hot, and Cordelia craved to feel him in her pussy. They were the only two in the kitchen, she was standing by the counter with a cup of coffee as he stood leaning against the table. She’s not sure she would’ve wanted him if he wouldn’t have been making goo goo eyes at her. It was the knowledge that he wanted to fuck her that made her want him too.

He was the one that started it and she had quickly decided that she was going to let him finish. She smirked at him before taking a drink of coffee. Then, he made his move. He walked over. She gave him an amused look, trying to feign innocence, she asked, “What?”

He smirked back, taking her coffee cup and sitting it down on the counter. His hands went around her to settle on the small of her back. “Damn, you’re sexy,” he said in a charming voice. Cordelia giggled, letting her hands rest on his chest. She shouldn’t do this to Madison, but she couldn’t stop herself. She bit her lip and he suggestively asked, “Are you going to let me have some of it?”

She nodded with her lip still between her teeth as she batted her eyes. His smile grew before he leaned in and kissed her. She transmutated them to her bedroom before anyone could see them together. As they were making out, she felt him backing her up toward the bed. When she felt the back of her knees hit it, she pulled him down onto the bed with her.

They scooted around so they could lay down comfortably. Cordelia’s head hit the pillows as she got lost in his lips. God, she loved men and sex. Her hands roamed down his chest, he pulled away momentarily to pull his shirt off. She softly moaned out her approval. She laid still as he unbuttoned her blouse, untucked it, and she helped him pull it over her head.

He was leaning down; his lips were on hers again as his hands fondled her breasts. She moaned as she nibbled on his bottom lip, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer. She felt her panties getting wet as his hands went inside the cups of her bra and eased her breasts out. He pinched at her nipples and she let out a breathy moan against his lips. “Fuck, you’re hot,” he groaned out as he looked down at her chest.

His lips were hungrily kissing her again. Her bedroom door was pushed open and both of them jumped as they heard Queenie say, “Told you he’d be in here.”

Cordelia hurried to fix her bra and he quickly got off the bed. Cordelia nervously ran a hand through her hair before she let her eyes go to the doorway to see Queenie, Zoe, and MADISON. Oh, shit.

Madison rushed toward her boyfriend and slapped him hard across the face, “You’re a disgusting piece of shit! Get out and don’t come back!” she yelled at him.

He started, “I-”

Madison cut him off, “I don’t want to hear any excuses. Get the fuck out!” He glanced at Cordelia as he grabbed his shirt off the bed and then he left.

All of Madison’s rage was directed at Cordelia, “What the living fuck is wrong with you?” The young witch as looking at her like she truly hated her.

“Madison, I didn’t mean to. Can we just talk about this?” She was desperate not to have her girls hate her.

“No. I’m not in the mood for your bullshit excuses either.” Cordelia watched her eyes fall down to her bra clad chest. “You didn’t mean to bring him to your bedroom and let him touch all over you?” she sarcastically asked, “Like how you don’t mean to let every relatively attractive man fuck you that you can get your hands on? You have a problem, Cordelia. You’re a gutter slut,” she harshly finished.

“Madison,” Zoe said as she tried to stop her.

Cordelia didn’t say anything, she felt like she deserved this. Madison kept talking, “I don’t believe getting raped made you this way. I think you’re just a big fucking whore who loves cock in any hole and you don’t care how you get it.”

Cordelia started crying, she couldn't help it. "Damn, Hollywood," Queenie muttered. Zoe exasperated, "Madison! Why would you say that?"

Cordelia distraughtly said as she cried, "You don't know what he did to me. He didn't just rape me. He almost beat me to death." Zoe rushed over to sit beside her on the bed and put a comforting arm around her. Queenie went over to stand beside them to see if she was ok and Madison sat down on the bed, facing her. Cordelia sobbed and continued, "I thought I was going to die. All Fiona did was give me some Percocet and brush it off. I slept with my door locked every night, afraid that he would rape me again." Zoe comfortingly stroked her hair over and over as she shushed her. Cordelia wiped at her tears, "I was only fourteen. I had my childhood ripped away by him, Fiona, and my father who never cared to stick around long enough to meet me."

Zoe softly whispered, "We know. It's terrible." Cordelia noticed that Madison was tearing up and looking at her like she knew she'd gone too far. They'd heard Cordelia briefly mention her rape before but never with any detail or this much emotion.

Madison's voice was small and shaky, like Cordelia had never heard it before, when she said, "I know how it feels I was gang raped by a bunch of frat brothers. One of them drugged me and they took turns on me until Zoe burst in and stopped them." Cordelia's heart broke for her. She had no idea this had happened. She leaned forward and took one of Madison's hands in her own. Madison wiped her tears away as she tried to get her emotions under control. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have said that to you."

“I’m the one who should be sorry, Madison. I should’ve stayed away from your boyfriend. It’s just…” she trailed off as she had to wipe her tears away again, it was going to be hard to admit, she continued, “I’m a whore.” She broke off into a sob.

“Girl, no you’re not. You have an addiction, it’s different,” Queenie said.

It was then that Myrtle, Misty, Mallory, and Coco walked through her doorway. Cordelia pulled away from Madison and Zoe to grab her blouse. She was buttoning it up as Coco closed her door and they all walked over. Madison and Cordelia both wiped at their tears once again.

Myrtle walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down by Cordelia’s side. Misty sat down in front of Myrtle as the older witch put an arm around Cordelia, “What’s wrong, my dear Cordelia? We heard Madison screaming and we saw that boytoy of hers leave in a rush.” Even upset, Madison managed to roll her eyes.

Cordelia briefly met Myrtle’s eyes before looking away, too ashamed to answer. After a long pause, Queenie replied, “We caught her and Madison’s boo…”

“They weren’t having sex, but it was getting there,” Madison went ahead and said.

Cordelia cried harder as she put her face down in her hands, “I’m so disgusting.”

Myrtle comforted her, “You’re not, my dear.”

“Do you have any idea how many men I’ve let use me?” It was a rhetorical question. Cordelia made herself look up at Myrtle as she said, “Everyone I love goes away in the end. In one way or the other. Fiona hated me, abandoned me, and then came back to verbally abuse me until she died. Hank was an awful person and got himself killed. Brian left. Everyone in this room has died at least once, including me. I killed myself because the Antichrist couldn’t leave me alone.”

Myrtle got teary eyed at how distraught and traumatized Cordelia was. Myrtle said a heartfelt, “We’re here now. We’re all here for you.”

Cordelia sadly said, “I’m the Supreme, but I’m still the same weak person trying to find someone to love me.”

Misty pounced forward, catching Cordelia in a tight hug, “We all love ya, Cordelia.” As Cordelia held her, returning the warm embrace, Myrtle gently said, “You need help again, Dear. You’re worse than you ever were before.”

Cordelia enjoyed the embrace with her sister witch. She felt more love and affection from Misty and Myrtle than she had anyone in her entire life. Deep down she knew the rest of her witches loved her too, even Madison. “I know,” she whispered.


End file.
